What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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