and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
soo... how was my night?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
