He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
