im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
