I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Randomize