I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
pray to the hookup gods
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
