I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
