yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
