You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
