GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize