Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
