im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
