I just cut my nipple shaving
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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