she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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