wat bout pragnant strippers??
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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