So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
