Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
