I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
