you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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