I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize