She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
