When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
