my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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