Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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