so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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