In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize