I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
