She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
