hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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