i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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