planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
