ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
