Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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