I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize