Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
