Its about making memories worth repressing
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
