She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
