I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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