You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
this hospital has no fireball
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
