So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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