I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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