Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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