I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
