If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
