i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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