you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
