I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
