The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize