OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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