yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
