It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
