we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
