i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
