Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
