oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
