Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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