Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
