i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
