cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
