oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
