I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
