I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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