Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
