i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The Olympian is in my bed
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
