My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
