That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently you make a good broom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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