I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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