1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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